Saturday, June 20, 2009

Fiona Clyde

"Come on... Come on..." mumbled the sniper. Not too far, wild applause and uproar filled the open stadium.

"...And so I present our beacon of hope, the stalwart of peace and the light of our futures and the future of communism, Kayne Obama!"

"I see you know bi-"

The sniper did not even get the chance to put his finger on the trigger.

"Sir, the target has been taken care of. Mission accomplished" spoke Shawn through the intercom. Not so far away, Martin, assuming the role of Overseer, had a sigh of relief.

"Good, now you have 30 seconds to get your ass back here before I kick it. You obviously did not read the manual." shouted Martin.

"Okay, okay, sheesh. I already told you if the manual hadn't been long..."

"Yada yada, just get your ass back here. We have to get back soon or else the chrono plane would become unstable and God knows what would happen to us."

Chrono-folding is not without flaws. By sending something or someone back in time, it creates a something out of nothing effect. Matter cannot be created nor completely destroyed; it can only be transformed into energy. As the famous equation of Einstein puts it, energy produced by transforming matter is equal to the mass of the matter in question multiplied by the square of the speed of light; the inverse had also been proven to be true. This means that at any point in time, there exists a finite and unchanging amount of energy and matter; disturbing this could lead to catastrophic circumstances.

The chrono plane tries to remain stable even after infractions on it have occurred. This is the reason why changing something in the past would not have very major consequences in the present, depending of course on the amount and time of infraction. If a significant amount of matter is introduced anytime where it shouldn't be, the chrono plane tries to adapt by converting matter into energy, an effect known as the Tristan's effect named after its discoverer, chronologist Marco Tristan. Energy doesn't take up space like matter does, and so causes the conversion.

This conversion though leads to more instability, and even more conversion; the longer the foreign matter remains displaced in time, the more matter is converted to energy in the chrono plane's desperate attempt to remain stable. By Einstein's equation, this conversion could result in cataclysmic explosions of energy, although often it's too far away in space to be felt in any degree. Cosmic phenomenon like supernovaes and black holes had been attributed to the Tristan effect, but nobody knows for sure.

"Yo Shawn, what happened to your mission? You got kicked in the ass again haven't you?" Jonathan sneered as he sat down beside Shawn.

"Fuck off assface" Shawn replied, stuffing a mouthful of burger into his mouth.

"No seriously man, you should be more responsible about your duties as part of Chronos. It's not everyday a man jumps back in time you know..."

"Eh, I know... It's just that, I dunno... I'm probably just tired of the constant drills..." said Shawn.

"Tell me about it. But you shouldn't be getting too much of those, I mean, it's not like there had been many missions recently, right?"

"Whatever... I still don't have the drive anymore... I don't know really..."

Shawn took another mouthful of burger, Jonathan sipped from his cup of sparkling water.

"Hey man, is this about Fiona?" Jonathan said, trying to comfort Shawn.

"What?!? Now where did you get that idea?" exclaimed Shawn, knocking Jonathan off his seat and spilling his food all over him.

Fiona Clyde was the youngest High Captain General in the entire military. She was also a favorite contender to the position of High General in Command, the highest position in the hierarchy of Chronos. She excels in everything she does, from History to Time and Space studies; she knows the ins and outs of chrono-folding and the principles and theories behind the chrono plane. Plus she's terribly good looking.

She's graduated from the same school as Shawn and was a year his senior. She was a year younger though, because she was accelerated twice, first in Lower Education Level 4 then in Higher Education Level 3 from the Unified Education System. She was 20 when she graduated Advanced Education; it has been 5 years now since she entered the Chronos Division. She flew her way through the ranks, getting promotion after promotion. And it wasn't over yet.

"Speaking of Fiona, any news about her?" asked Shawn, food in his mouth.

"First you knock me off the chair when I reminded you of her, now you ask me how she's doing?" complained Jonathan.

Shawn simply stared at him.

"Fine... The higher ups are formalizing her promotion. Won't be soon they say before she becomes GC. The election process they say is only a formality now..."

"I see... Wow... To think she entered the division only a year before us..."

"I don't really think about it. I'm just glad I became part of this division. Keeps bread on the table, and its kinda fun at times too."

Fiona Clyde was rumored to be backed by currently the strongest party in the United Congress, the Naturalists. Since they were given representation in the United Congress, they have slowly amassed power and wealth. It has been said that if you seek election into the United Government, whether as a lowly Regions Governor or as the Supreme Sovereign, all you need is backing from the Naturalists.

It wasn't unnatural though for people like Fiona to rise through the ranks quickly. In previous years, similar incidents have happened where people fresh from graduation acquire notable and powerful positions in the United Government. By the turn of the century, it wasn't too uncommon to see a 20 something High Senate Representative, or a 30 something Supreme Sovereign. There seems to be a clamor for younger, more blue-blooded individuals to take up powerful offices, probably in the hopes of ending corruption. It's still not the norm though, but Fiona certainly wasn't an exception.

"Hey man, I better go, still got 'missions' in the morning, if you know what I mean. You better take a rest too, and begin thinking about taking the division seriously" Jonathan reminded Shawn.

"Yeah, says the guy who has 'missions' in the morning" Shawn objected.

Jonathan and Shawn deposited their food trays into the conveyor and parted ways as they headed for their bunks.

Shawn plunked immediately on his bed and picked up his kinetic phone, spinning it a few times before dialing a familiar number. An answering machine picked up on the other side.

"Hello... This is Shawn, if ever you're there, please call me back."

He didn't hang up for a while, thinking of something else to say. Then unexpectedly, a female voice answered.

"Shawn, it's me. I'm sorry if I haven't been answering you back, it's complicated. Anyway, for your sake and for mine, I'm really sorry but please..."

There was a short pause.


"... Don't call me anymore."


Chronos division

"So tell me again, why are we doing this?" Shawn asked, hustling to catch up with his mentor.

Martin eyed him, half-irritated.

"Didn't you read the manual before you went here? It's part of a Chronos Division's responsibility to do that you know?"

"Well, if the manual weren't so long then maybe I could get to reading them..." Shawn complained.

Chronos Division is part of the United Government's military, directly under the Armed Guards. Members of this division are tasked to correct errors in the time line, caused by the tampering of previous generations.

"Fine... I wonder how you could not read the manual and still manage to be part of this division..." Martin said, obviously exasperated at the ignorance of his pupil.

Each year, the Chronos Division recruits fresh graduates from various academies that have shown proficiency in Time and History studies. It's of utmost importance that recruits know history like that back of their hand. One false move could mean the failure of a mission; an unwanted alteration in history that could call for numerous additional missions, which means additional unwanted expense.

"The first time Chrono-folding was achieved, our ancestors were of course very excited, so excited that they began causing alterations in the time line. But contrary to pop knowledge in that era, 'tampering with the time line' doesn't really cause much of a difference to how time flows..."

Chrono-folding is term coined in the early part of the 21st century. It's a fancy term for time travel, but not completely unfounded. Chrono-folding is done by literary bending the so-called "time-space continuum", or the "Chrono plane". Time and space had always been conventionally considered four dimensional: the first three dimensions (i.e. height, width and depth) serve to define space, and the fourth dimension (time) serves to define the constant passing of moments.

By the turn of the decade though, chronologists (scientists who study time) began to think of time and space as a plane; a 2-dimensional plane similar to a movie reel. It wasn't long before a team chronologists in the Integrated University of New Harvard were able to literally bend this 2-dimensional plane, which then became know as the Chrono plane. They did it by shooting photons at a target exponentially faster than the speed of light. This causes a phenomenon similar to the sonic boom, called the "phosphic boom". The tremendous amount of explosive energy forces the chrono plane to warp and fold, sending the target back into time. The energy and speed of the photons determine how far back in time the target would be sent to.

"... The chrono plane is immensely vast and the current by which it moves is extremely strong. 'Tampering' with it would be similar to dipping your finger into the ocean and watching the ripples flow. Sooner or later, something would replace whatever event that was "tampered" with, which means history would remain relatively unaltered." explained Martin.

"Wait, you mean even if we did things in the past to "alter" history, aside from probably a change in surname, nothing really large would change?" asked Shawn.

"No." answered Martin.

"So the grandfather anomaly is..." Shawn continued.

"Bullshit..." Martin interjected.

After chronologists were able to successfully develop Chrono-folding technology, it was of course natural for them to send people back into time. The first Chrono-walkers were uncertain about how "tampering" with space and time would affect history at large. They performed "controlled" experiments on history, going even as far as slaughtering lab animals to see whether the grandfather anomaly and other anomalies like it were real. They discovered that the further you travel back in time, the lesser of an effect tampering with something would have.

Suppose somebody kills on of your distant ancestors. Chances are you would still be born, with the same parents, same physical characteristics, and even lead the same life. Somebody would replace the killed ancestor, and the effect of the replacement would mitigate in due time. This is opposed to killing, say, a parent. There is still a chance you would be born, but from a different parent. Your appearance could remain unaltered and you could still live a relatively unchanged life, but there is also a chance you would never be born at all.

"So why then are we still chrono-folding if we aren't even going to be able to change anything that much?" asked Shawn.

"Well, for one, our ancestors did so many alterations into the past. Experiment after experiment made the public more and more uneasy about chrono-folding. Soon, the public uproar was on such a high level that chronologists were forced to perform experiments underground. For a while all seemed well, until somebody leaked information to the public about the underground experimentations. Feeding on the rage of the people, opposition politicians began including 'Stop chrono-experimentations' as part of their propaganda..."

In the middle of the 22nd century, an opposition candidate was sworn into the highest office of the United Government, the Supreme Sovereign of the Flags or Supreme Sovereign for short. And of course, part of her platform was to outlaw chrono-experimentation for good. This was not enough however to quell the public. A group, calling themselves the "Naturalists" began heckling the government to perform counter-measures to correct the "unnaturalism" caused by chrono-experimentation.

The Naturalists were at first ignored by the United Government. For them, sending people back in time to correct the mistakes were a waste of money; sending a single person to a two-way trip back in time through chrono-folding costs millions, especially since the technology to chrono-fold had to be carried back in time with the chrono-walkers.

This all changed when a string of skyscraper bombings and hostage takings were performed by the New Army, the militaristic wing of the Naturalists. The current supreme sovereign was impeached; her Vice Sovereign being sworn into office in lieu of her. He played to the whims of the Naturalists, even giving them a seat in the United Congress of Flag Representatives. And as part of the administrative switch, the Chronos Division was organized.

"I see..." said Shawn in a partly convinced, partly dubious tone.

The elevator door opened as they walked in. It would take about five minutes to get to the 35th level deep underground, where chrono-folding missions were briefed and held.

As the elevator door closed, Shawn asked something that caught Martin off-guard.

"So, if we are part of the 'unnaturalism' caused by previous chrono-foldings, and as such have no knowledge whatsoever of how things should've gone given that no previous chrono-foldings were performed; how then could we know how things should've naturally proceeded? Who calls the shots?"

For a few minutes, only the silent hum of the elevator could be heard. Shawn patiently waited for the answer as the elevator went further and further underground.

Just as the elevator door was about to open, Martin answered in a hushed, equally perplexed tone:

"It's... Classified..."


The knife, the sword, the throne and the cross

The tunnel was dark and the corners were blind. I didn’t know where I was, nor did I know where I was heading. All I know is that I’m heading somewhere; expecting something that I feel very familiar yet escapes me at the same time.

The floors were damp, the air humid. With each corner turn, I feel myself going deeper and deeper into a maze I desperately try to find my bearings in. I struggle to know where I am – the place looks so familiar, like I have always been here. And yet, no matter how much I try to find out, the thoughts just muddle themselves all on their own. It feels like the more I try to find out where I was, the more I block my memory of the place. But amidst all this, every footstep sure, every footstep leading me to one sure destination.

The tunnel began to widen as I continued to tread along. The air suddenly felt cool, a slow steady breeze blowing towards me. It wasn’t long till I found myself inside a huge chamber that stretched seemingly infinitely in all directions and yet it still felt closed, bounded by walls I cannot see but I know exists. Light channeled from crags on the invisible ceiling, shining like soft fabric stretched from the ground to nowhere. The floor was damp, somewhere out in the distance I can hear what seemed like a small stream trickling.

“My guest has arrived.”

I instantly recognized the voice – there was no mistaken it. It was mine, but it did not come from me.

“Ah, a knife. A knife symbolizes hatred… Contempt… An attempt to appear courageous amidst adversity while inside you, you know you’re trembling. You’re no stranger to fear, but still you act courageous.”

A knife was in my hand. I did not know where it came from, I couldn’t even remember if I wasn’t carrying one in the first place. But now it was, and the hand that holds it was trembling.

“See? You tremble. You mask your fear with courage, yet within you, you are taken by fear. You do not have to be afraid of me you know…” the voice taunted.

I gripped the knife to stop myself from trembling, scanning the chamber for where the voice came from.

“I’m here…” he said knowingly.

As my eyes got accustomed to the low light, I begin to make out a silhouette not so far away. It was of a man standing in front of a throne. I can’t make out how he looked like but he seemed to be no different in height or form to me. He looked like he was wearing some form of cloak, which appeared to be parted neatly to his left side.

He took a few steps, moving closer into one of the light rays. I recognized his face instantly.

“There, is that better? Can you see me clearly now?” he said grinning.

I turned and faced him.

“I’m you! Well, I’m not really you, I’m what you can say the potential you. I’m everything you could be, everything you could possibly achieve. You can say I’m the perfect you, the ideal you. Genius beyond compare, good physique; I’m all you ever wanted to be. All you’d never ever be…” he chuckled.

Inside me, I felt anger swell up; anger I’ve never felt, anger I never knew I would ever feel. The knife in my hand felt more a part of me. It’s handle felt more comfortable in my hand, like it was really meant to be there, meant to sink into flesh and gouge out ribbons of blood.

“Ha, cute. You want to kill me now? Go ahead and try! You can never get rid of me, I’m a part of you! A part of you you’d never be able to reach. Come on, face the facts! You are never ever going to be like me! No matter how much you try, you can never be able to be what I am and yet you would never be able to get rid of me. You want me, you want to be like me, so you hold on to whatever hope you have and try all your hardest but in the end, you fail horribly.”

I felt my heart sink. The knife in my hand disintegrated, turned into dust and disappeared.

“See? Haha, I am you’re ambition, a hurdle you’d never ever be able to reach. You would try and try and try until you’re consumed by me. You’re desire to be like me would eat you, gnaw unto your very life. You would begin to hurt others, shove everybody away from you. You’re desire to be like me would burn you slowly away until you’re nothing more than dust, just like you’re measly courage… Why don’t we just speed things up and face the inevitable? It would be so much less painful…”

A sword materialized in his hand. It’s blade glinted so beautifully in the light, encrusted in gems and precious stones yet sharp as razor. He held the blade close to his face.

“You’ve seen a rapier before haven’t you? Did you know that although rapiers were the favorite dress weapon, it still took many lives in the days when it was in service? It’s tip is so well suited to thrusting, I can send it through your heart like you were made of paper…”

He snapped his sword forward, feinting a thrust into my heart.

“So, are you ready to accept your fate?”

My knees buckled. My death was right in front of me but it felt so right. If ambition would only cause me to hurt others then maybe… Maybe death was the right way…

He drew his sword back, ran at me, lunging and thrusting his sword straight at me in one smooth graceful motion; one I could only imagine I would be doing.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” I said as I pulled my knee from his gut. “I’ve had enough of you.”

He fell to the ground, doubling over from the knee I landed squarely on his stomach.

“You’ve poisoned my mind long enough. Let the world do as it pleases. I have my own path now, and you are not part of it.”

Like the knife, he disintegrated into dust and disappeared. I sat on his throne – my throne. I felt my chest and felt at ease.

“Thank you” I said, as I held the cross hanging from my neck.


Vis (part 2 of 2)

Vithia is no longer. Now there is only Grixis.

Now there is only undeath.

The fear the living has to bear grows and grows with each lost life; and as vis weakens, so too our ranks. The remaining life mages can only defend our strongholds with wards and repulsion magic, but in the absence of the mana of life, we can only delay the advance of this unstoppable epidemic.

“I am sorry sir, about the girl…”

“No. I was not strong enough. I could have saved her if we only had access to the mana of life…”

“We all know how futile are efforts are si-”

“Do not say that! We may be fighting a losing battle, but you as well as I know that this is a battle we chose to fight. We have sworn ourselves as guardians of whatever vis has been left. We as life mages are duty bound to protect whatever life is left in Sedraxis…”

“I am deeply sorry sir…”

“No, I understand, the weight of our duty is… Overwhelming”

“Sir, I have to tell you something… I must take my leave… For good sir… My family needs me; my heart is not… as strong as yours sir. I am deeply sorry.”

“My child, its difficult – almost impossible even – to bear the responsibilities of a life mage. It takes a noble heart and an unwavering courage. I do not blame you for your lack of strength; and I am not stopping you from leaving… Go, may good fortune be with you and your family…”

He didn’t have a family.

But I do not blame him for lying, for finding a way out. The weight we life mages bear on our shoulders is unimaginable. Undeath spreads exponentially while we work round the clock to suppress it using the only mana we have available. Cases like him isn’t new and isn’t uncommon.

We life mages constantly fight the urge to quit our cause; to give up, leave our mission behind and run. Or worse, turn over and submit to our enemies, joining them in their vile necromancy.

Suddenly, a light…

My psyche instantly attuned itself to the sudden outpouring of vis energy, my dying soul feeding, devouring it all. My legs moved on its own, following the source of this mysterious energy. Before I realized it, I was standing in front of a visage of awe.

He stared into my eyes; the fierce eyes of a hunter. He carries with him a twin headed axe, wielding it proudly in front of his chest. His head resembled that of a leotau, although I have never seen one as alive. His body frame bursts of untethered life and will. I hesitantly broke the silence.

“Sir… Tell me… Who are you? How are you… Where are you drawing this much mana? It’s so alien to me, yet it feels so… invigorating…”

“Human, I am Ajani. I am a planeswalker. From where I came, there is an abundance of this mana, the mana of the wild and the mana of life.”

Ajani? Planeswalker? Mana of the wild and mana of life?

“I have come here as a visitor, but I have an inkling I will not leave here alone…”

“Sir… From where you came… It’s hard to believe, but if it does truly exist, can I possibly draw this mana of life from there? My people… the remaining numbers in Sedraxis… long for this mana…”

“I assure you, my land exists. It exists outside your own, and yet it once existed as one with it. If your soul wants so bad to leave this place and seek out my land, you can go there. You yourself would be able to draw this mana, and possibly even call upon it in this death ridden plane…”

I can draw out mana of life? But to do that, I must leave Sedraxis?

I am a life mage, duty bound to protect whatever vis is left in my land. I have sworn to fight for this cause; I will not leave Sedraxis. But if what this… planeswalker says is true, I might find this mana of life and possibly save Sedraxis from the spreading undeath.


I have served my purpose here as a life mage… I do not wish to leave you behind, but…

Forgive me…

Someday, I will see you again…


Vis (part 1 of 2)

“Quick, bring him into the healing pools…”

“Take him to the infirmary right now…”

“Help me! Anybody, please! Help me!”

Their shouts, the shouts of dying vis, is too hard, too painful to ignore.

People losing hope, losing life, surrendering life… Death rampant like an uncontrollable epidemic.

Screams, maddening screams of life sundering away, being consumed by horrors unimaginable.

If only we could do something. If only we could treat them all.

“Sir, we’ve got a patient awaiting your care. Other life mages are doing all they could to suppress the ebbing of vis, but its a losing battle. Sir, we really need your help.”

“Quick, take me to him now!”

This is one of the last bastions of life left alive. Others have mercilessly fallen to the uncontrollable hoard of undeath, constantly ebbing away at the life forces of our numbers in an unstoppable, exponential rate. We can only suppress them in vain. It’s painful to watch vis slip out of an innocent.

“My child, hold on…”

I took the child’s hand. His… Her… body has been reduced to a skeletal state, you can barely tell he or she was once human, or was once alive. The young innocent floated in one of our suppression pools, pure sources of the mana we have closest to that of life and healing. It’s below par, but its the only option we’ve got.

I rushed in beside the pool. The pool was filled with fresh water from an aquifer. Soon it too would drain up, and we have to find new source of mana to fuel our healings, or more aptly, suppressions. After a suppression has been done, the water that once filled the suppression pool would be so contaminated with death, it can no longer be used. This only adds to the gravity of the battle we cannot hope to win.

“Hold on my child”

A light blue glow emanated from my hands. I touched the child, channeling away undeath and holding back vis. She must survive…

The vis from her body was being pulled away, sucked out uncontrollably. I pressed my hand harder into her forehead, sending her into a fit of spasms. Her frail skeletal frame rocked violently, splashing water around her. Its as if undeath itself is fighting our efforts; and unfortunately, undeath is winning.

“My child, you will not die today!”

I pressed on harder, sealing off whatever vis she had left. She will survive this, she has too.

“Undeath, leave this innocent girl at once!”

Her frail frame jerked more violently than ever in all directions.

“My child, hold on! Be strong!”

Then she stopped moving.

I fell back first into the water, feeling part of my own vis draining away. At once I stepped away from the contaminated pool.

I drew as much pure blue mana from the pool, enough to allow me to check how much vis the young girl has left.

I turned my back. She was the fourth one today.

Sedraxis took another from our number. The land that once teemed with life now claimed one more.


Ang kwento ni Florante Sibuyas

Si Florante Sibuyas ay isang malungkot na bata, emo sa makabagong salita.

Parati syang inaasar, pinagtatawanan at iniiwan ng kanyang mga kaibigan.

Sa paglalaro, s’ya parati ang huli, sa iskwela naman parating napagiiwanan.

Wala s’ya halos kaibigan, kaya ganun na lang ang lungkot n’ya.

Parati s’yang nagmumukmok, nagkukulong sa kwarto na nakakandado ang pinto.

Mahaba rin ang buhok nya, natatakpan pa ang isa n’yang mata.

Ganyan si Florante Sibuyas, isang emo na bata.

Pero masisisi mo ba si Florante Sibuyas? Ang baho nga naman daw ng pangalan n’ya.

Wala naman s’yang kaso sa Florante, yung apelydo nga lang daw nya eh!

Mabaho pa daw sa mabaho, as in parang pinagsakluban ng langit at ng mundo.

Pati mga bitwin sa langit nagtatago, s’ya rin siguro ang dahilan kaya may mga Solar Eclipse tayo.

“Hindi siguro ako magpapaka emo kung hindi lang sana Sibuyas nag apelydo ko” ani Sibuyas.

Kaya ganun na lang ang tuwa ni Sibuyas ng isang gabi, dinalaw s’ya ng isang fairy.

“Ako si Grasya Paraluman, at isa akong ilegal recruiter!”, sabi ng lalaki.

“Narinig ko ang kahilingan mo Sibuyas, kaya naman ipapadala kita ngaun sa Big Mansanas!”

“Saan po Kuya? Big Mansanas po Kuya? Saan po yun Kuya Grasya?”

“Gusto mong magahasa bata? Kung gusto mo pang mamaintain ang virginity mo, Ate, Ate Grasya!”

“Anyway Sibuyas, how would you like to change your life hmm? Malay mo, baka dun ka pa makahanap ng magandang wife!”

“Opo! Opo Kuya este Ate Grasya po pala! Sasama po ako sa inyo! Ayoko na dito!”

At ayun na nga. Sumama si Florante Sibuyas sa isang kidnapper na nagpapangap na ilegal recruiter.

Pero para kay Sibuyas, si Kuya, este, Ate Grasya ang hinihintay nyang himala…

At nang tumanda na si Florante, (mga eighteen years old, matanda na yun sa Amekrika eh)

Nagpalit sya ng pangalan, at ang buhay n’ya ay gumaan.

At makalipas ang ilan pang taon, binalikan nya ang bayan nya ng kahapon.

Pagtapak ng paa nya sa bansang sinilangan, sabay n’yang sinumbatan sa salitang dahuyan.

“Shame you mother country of my own, I never felt cared for at all!”

“In the Philippines, my
name is felt with betrayal, in America, there I finded love!”

“And now, Florante Sibuyas is no more, I shall be called…”

“Fluorescent Bulb!!!”

- The End -



To Lexan,

The days had been fun with you around. Gone were the days when I’d sit all alone in the park bench where I used to wait for my folks to pick me up. The days where I’d pore my nose on a book, acting like a total nerd. The days where I’d walk to school alone, with other students passing me by whispering among themselves in a language only they understood. I hated those days. It made me feel like all alone in my struggles. You know me, I’m not the type who’d talk to others and befriend them. I’m not exactly the social type…

But when you came into my life, you changed all that. The first time I saw you pass me by, it felt different. It felt great. It felt warm. When I see you walk passed me in the mornings, and then when I wait for you to go home, it made my day complete. It made my day worth living. It may seem like I’m blowing things out of proportion, but it’s very true! Without you knowing it, I might have… fallen in love with you…

I thought of you night and day, dreamed that one day you’d take notice. I’m not the prettiest of girls, and maybe I’m not your type. But still, I pray each night that at least our eyes would cross paths; just that and I’d be content. If only I could not be so shy when you are there, just maybe…

I love you Lexan, I would give the world to be with you. But every time I tried to make myself brave, each time I forced myself to swallow my fear and at least greet you with a smile, I failed. I failed horribly. I can only stare at you from afar, from a safe distance. Watch you walk, watch you smile, marvel at you, gave at you.

Only from afar can I dream that you and me were together. And then today came. I saw you. I swallowed all my fear, all my doubt. I swallowed all the negativity inside me, lifted my chin up and looked at you. How I wished now our glances would meet. How I wished for one moment I could smile and say hi. How I wished you’d look at me, just this one time.

And you did. With that girl tightly clutching your arm.

Good bye Lexan. Only in my dreams would I ever see you again, if I can dream wherever I’m going.

Bidding you goodnight,



Breaking waves

The sea waves crashing against the rocky shore, the breeze wafting cool against my skin, the sun hidden just right under a cloudy but not overcast sky; I really couldn’t care less.

But I do. I do care. Because 3000 miles into the sea, I know you’re there. Floating aimlessly on your self-made raft. You told me you wanted to rule the sea; it had been your dream, you said.


Why did you have to do that? Why did you have to let your selfish pride get the better of you? Were you not contented with our little strip of beach? Were you not contented with our simple lifestyle? Were you not contented… with me?

Did I not treat you nicely enough? Everything that made you smile I did. Everything. Every single thing.

That damned ambition of yours. Why couldn’t you just give it up? Isn’t it a lot easier if you just gave it all up? Did you really want to “conquer the sea” so badly? We could have been together if you didn’t!

We could have been together…

That day, when you took to the sea; nobody told me. Nobody knew, or at least that was what everybody told me. Liars. I know they were hiding the truth from me. I know they knew I would be sad if they told me. They knew it would hurt me a lot. At least they knew.

Did you?

That day, I was supposed to tell you… It was the day I had gathered up the courage. I was going to confess my feelings for you, hoping you’d sweep me off my feet and take me away, make me the happiest person alive. Did you know how much I valued you? Did you ever consider how much I liked you? Loved you?

But you didn’t know, did you?

The sea waves crashing against the rocky shore, the breeze wafting cool against my skin, the sun hidden just right under a cloudy but not overcast sky; I really couldn’t care less.

A voice out in the sea, a shout of excitement.

I stood up and gazed into the distance. That voice, that familiar voice, I know it couldn’t have come from anybody else…

First I saw the waves breaking.

Then I saw the raft.

Then I saw a dark figure standing on it. I couldn’t have mistaken; it was you!

You looked stupid waving frantically like that, but it didn’t matter.

You’re back!

You’re really back!

Then I saw somebody else. Somebody else on your self-made raft.

She took your hand… Kissed you in the cheek and waved like an idiot with you.

I knelt; looked down on what was once our rocky beach. Before my eyes, the waves were breaking.


Disappearing Stars Level 0

I think saw one, through a clear patch of sky through a hole in the dome.

Were they called stars? I think that’s what the textbooks say. I mean, I haven’t seen one and really confirm it is one. Nobody knows anymore for sure, so I would suppose it was what I saw.

Let me describe it.

It was about half an inch wide in the sky, yeah, and it was glowing orange. It kind of made the dark sky look a little warm colored, though I am not even sure it was the ’sky’ I am seeing. It seemed so pretty right up there, and it seemed so high too.

No no no, I know it’s not the sun that I saw. I know the sun, its being reflected to level zero through the light shaft right? How should I say this. It was different from the sun that I see reflected on the dome. It’s not… flat… It looked as if though it was floating up on the sky.

How do I know it’s the ’sky’? I don’t know really… It’s one of the reasons I’m turning myself over to this unit. If there are people I know who can tell me, I think its you guys…

Sorry sir… Yes sir, understood sir…

Anyway sir, the sky that I saw, it was orange in color, I think it was because of that ’star’.

Yes sir, through a hole on the dome sir. I think it was from one of the breaches from level one. They have been pretty noisy these days sir.

Yes sir, I know its not part of my business sir, I apologize sir…

Yes sir, moving on. Before I saw the light sir, I was inside my shelter. Shelter number eight three one sir. I felt the ground shake and everything seemed to brighten up sir. It’s the reason why I decided to go out of my shelter sir. It was quite a deal actually sir, seeing as I’m disabled and this wheel chair unit is pretty old.

So I went out sir. As I said, I thought it was a breach on level one, then I looked up from the hole and saw the ’star’…

Yes sir, I think I remember seeing other levels sir. Aren’t they just part of level one sir? I mean, from what the scribes teach us, there are only two levels right? Level zero, our level, and level one right?

Sorry sir! I’m only recalling what the scribes taught us!

Yes sir, I would forget everything about it sir.

Yes sir, I did not see any star, or feel any quake or see any bright light. Yes sir, I did not see any hole. Yes sir, understood sir.

Yes sir, reporting out si-




love you

dearest I love you


And till I can my frail heart will

always be for you