Goodnight

To Lexan,

The days had been fun with you around. Gone were the days when I’d sit all alone in the park bench where I used to wait for my folks to pick me up. The days where I’d pore my nose on a book, acting like a total nerd. The days where I’d walk to school alone, with other students passing me by whispering among themselves in a language only they understood. I hated those days. It made me feel like all alone in my struggles. You know me, I’m not the type who’d talk to others and befriend them. I’m not exactly the social type…

But when you came into my life, you changed all that. The first time I saw you pass me by, it felt different. It felt great. It felt warm. When I see you walk passed me in the mornings, and then when I wait for you to go home, it made my day complete. It made my day worth living. It may seem like I’m blowing things out of proportion, but it’s very true! Without you knowing it, I might have… fallen in love with you…

I thought of you night and day, dreamed that one day you’d take notice. I’m not the prettiest of girls, and maybe I’m not your type. But still, I pray each night that at least our eyes would cross paths; just that and I’d be content. If only I could not be so shy when you are there, just maybe…

I love you Lexan, I would give the world to be with you. But every time I tried to make myself brave, each time I forced myself to swallow my fear and at least greet you with a smile, I failed. I failed horribly. I can only stare at you from afar, from a safe distance. Watch you walk, watch you smile, marvel at you, gave at you.

Only from afar can I dream that you and me were together. And then today came. I saw you. I swallowed all my fear, all my doubt. I swallowed all the negativity inside me, lifted my chin up and looked at you. How I wished now our glances would meet. How I wished for one moment I could smile and say hi. How I wished you’d look at me, just this one time.

And you did. With that girl tightly clutching your arm.

Good bye Lexan. Only in my dreams would I ever see you again, if I can dream wherever I’m going.

Bidding you goodnight,

Shiela